On Giving (and Receiving) Respect

I was specifically asked to post a blog entry, because I haven't done so in a while. I am afraid that since this one will be a bit longer not many people will read it, but I guess you have to run that risk every so often. :-) There is an issue that has been weighing on my mind as regards the differences between Filipino and American culture, so this is as convenient a time as any to talk about it.

I remember during the commencement ceremony in which I received my Ph.D., the university president charged us to use caution in throwing around our identities as "Doctor" once we left the assembly. While it might help in securing a dinner reservation, he said, it would not speak well of us if we insisted everyone use the title when speaking to us. I've thought about this somewhat extensively, and I came to the conclusion that I wanted students (and colleagues talking about me to students) to use the title, but as for interaction between colleagues with no students around, it seemed unbelievably stuffy to use the titles. When I returned to the bank after graduation, someone asked me, "Do we have to call you 'Doctor' now?" And I immediately responded, "No," because the title did not make sense in that environment. I went for a year-and-a-half as "Doctor" in precisely the environment the president was talking about--where the title made no sense and insisting that people use it would be arrogant to the point of being foolish. But now I am in such a position, and I find it weird to hear myself addressed as "Doctor" and spoken of as "Doctor." This is just one of the myriad adjustments I am making in this place.

Anyhow, this conversation came up again when the missionaries gathered for July 4th festivities (which, incidentally, mainly involved running to and from the house to get out of the rain). We noted that Asian culture generally, and Filipino culture specifically, is very respectful and deferential, almost to the point of being obsequious. Someone suggested that he always had to think about who was present and what was the context as to whether he could use one of the professors' first names--because he, again, is a missionary colleague and not a student--or if he should use the title.

In all, it is an interesting question, because I have "earned" my degree and "deserve" to be called "Doctor." But I put the quotes around those words because they are subject to a good bit of negotiation. On the one hand, whatever I may have "earned," whatever it is to which I may be "entitled," it creates a significant distance between me and other people when the title is used. On the other hand, though, I do not want to rob the people here of their cultural need to be respectful and deferential. So I'll just go on being surprised and thinking it's unusual to be called "Doctor." And thinking it sounds awful even saying that I'm having this problem...